The Memory of Pleasure vs The Memory of Pain
6 MINUTE READ
Stephanie Chizoba Odili
June 7, 2024
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"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."
Philippians 4:8
A part of healing I am coming to terms with is memory. Healing requires that you remember, as well as to forget. In remembering, you will do well to recollect accurately and often. In forgetting, you do well to let evil slip, and often so you can forgive freely. For me, this has not always been the case.
Recently, I was describing to a friend a pastime of a former relationship and I realised that my memory of pain registered stronger than the memory of pleasure. It was easy for me to remember the bad things, physical hurts and all the bad experiences, perhaps with even more clarity than originally. Whereas, the memory of pleasure was hard. Thinking about “a good time” became a chore to my mind. Though the memories came to me, it did not create the required catharsis.
Why did my body/mind do that? Sometimes my body will exaggerate the pain, why? Why might my mind not remember the pleasure? I began to ask myself- is this traumatic? Is this spiritual? Is this mental? Is this natural and common? Is this evolutionary? Does our body register pain memories faster and deeper for survival or are our brains doing this bad work for us? Why does our body register the memory of pain more intensely than we do pleasure?
If you think this is not so, let’s have a practice session.
Breathe in slowly through your nose, and exhale freely through your mouth.
Ensure you have brushed your mouth for this, lest you attract more pain to yourself. I kid.
Okay again, breathe in slowly through your nose, and exhale freely through your mouth. When you have done this, think about something that happened recently that hurt you deeply. What do you remember about it? How much detail do you remember? What parts of your body register it the most?
Now on that same day, or in that same season, think about something pleasant that happened to you and made you really glad. Is your memory for this pleasure as vivid and detailed as the one of pain?
If yes, that is good for you! In fact if your memory of pleasure was better and higher, that is incredible. Please share with me (and other readers) why you think this happened and how we can benefit from it.
If, like me, the memory of pain is more top of mind, I do not yet have a solution. Our bodies and minds are born tabula rasa. Over the years and decades who we are and become is a result of our experiences. Those experiences will eventually become memories stored away. For some people, when they hear the sound of a loud door, it brings to mind something painful, for others it's just a sound. For some people, listening to sad music or music generally evokes a memory of a certain time of their lives. So how is it that our bodies can remember sadness but not the “laugh out loud” moments of pleasure and good will?
Another thing I noticed is that even among the memories of pleasure, there are pleasures we remember so often that we desire to recreate it. We remember the mundane memories of orgasm, eating good food, visiting a favourite place etc. But not the memory of laughter, peace, rest?
Am I alone in these thoughts?
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See you next week!